Is there anything we won’t do for more stuff? How much stuff do we really need? Does all this stuff make us happy? And… are the holidays really about all this stuff?

I’ve never been one to love frenzied holiday shopping, or just plain old frenzied shopping, for that matter. The pressure of finding just the right thing amid stifling crowds of stressed out shoppers (including myself) just isn’t my cup of tea. Never mind fighting for a parking spot (even one that’s far away). Preferring to do my shopping online or during quieter weeknights, I figured my evasion of holiday madness was just a way to save my sanity. Apparently though, it could also save my life. It would seem that these days shopping for stuff or working in a store selling stuff during the holiday season can be deadly.

I exaggerate of course; shopping is usually perfectly safe, even in a crowd, unless you are the unfortunate Wal-Mart worker in Valley Stream, New York who was trampled to death after shoppers broke down doors to enter the store at 5 a.m. on Black Friday. What a senseless tragedy.

First of all, that there were enough shoppers at 5 a.m. to break down the door boggles my mind. Secondly, that they were even breaking down the doors?! How badly did they want to get in? Pretty badly, I’m guessing…. Wal-Mart must have some great stuff.

What does it say about our culture that a person can lose their life because some impatient shoppers had to be first in the store? Is the stuff in the store so important that it makes us lose our sense of respect for others and for ourselves? Do people really want to get rid of their money that badly? Was the sale worth it?

There has been a lot of research into crowd psychology and I won’t pretend to understand how this could have happened, but it would seem to me that the lure of the stuff in the store was just too powerful.

More and more, lately I have been questioning my own desire to buy stuff as a way to make me and others happy. The fact that I’m questioning though, has not necessarily meant that I’m holding back. But I suppose that it’s still a good first step, no? Questions or no questions, I still find myself succumbing to the lure of instant gratification, be it a new purse, sweater, pair of shoes, etc. But does all this stuff make me happy? Yes, for a time. But for how long will the feeling last? How long until the next purse, sweater, pair of shoes, etc. in the store calls out to me? How long until I succumb to the lure of the next great thing? Would I ever break down a door for something I want? I certainly hope not, but all the same, the compulsion to have it is sometimes stronger than me. Scary that stuff can have such a strong hold over us.

And why is it that at every holiday, we feel the need to buy our loved ones so much stuff? The thought of making someone I love happy by giving them something they really want makes me feel good, but is it the best way to show them I love them? Seeing my husband’s face light up when he opens up his present on Christmas morning will certainly make me feel warm and fuzzy inside and isn’t that worth something? Or could I just give him a big hug and expect the same reaction from him and the same sense of satisfaction for me? Would I be happy with a hug for Christmas? Not likely. Maybe stuff does have a place and can help us in our quest for happiness, but perhaps it should just be part of a greater overall happiness strategy. Everything in moderation after all, isn’t that what they say?

But why is stuff so important to us? Are we trying to fill a void with stuff? Are we bored? Stressed? Are we uncomfortable with ourselves? Are we trying to avoid something? Numb something? Have we lost touch with something? Perhaps it is more about how the stuff makes us feel about ourselves than the stuff itself. Are we looking for confidence through our stuff? Are we trying to be cool? Does our stuff give us a feeling of belonging or of having attained a certain status?

Can we feel good about ourselves without all the stuff? My guess is yes - we can probably feel even better about ourselves without all the stuff. Someday I may be brave enough to test out my theory, but for this holiday season I will go on buying stuff for me and for my loved ones (hopefully without killing anyone in the process). But I will try doing so with a little more prudence and with the knowledge that it’s just stuff and that to find true and lasting happiness I will have to do more than spend money.

…and you can be sure that you won’t see me anywhere near a store at 5 a.m. (or at any other time) on the busiest shopping day of the year…